dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
