yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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