you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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