If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
