omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
