i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
