if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
