New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
