One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
