I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we're making bets on your personal life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
