Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
