a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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