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I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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