I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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