Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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