I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
