i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
