Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so explain again why im purple
no
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
