So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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