if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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