I look better un-naked...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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