is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
