My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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