My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
