I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
