Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
