I CAN MOONWALK!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
try to milk me bitch
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
