Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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