D3 body, D1 cock
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
