I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize