she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
