Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
