I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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