you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
