Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
