I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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