1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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