I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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