I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
