it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I got her a Nickelback box set.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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