You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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