Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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