I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
