it's not cheating when I paid for it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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