just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
