It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
