Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
