I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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