apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
