it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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