If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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