I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
