I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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