Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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