In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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