i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
