and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
