I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
