so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
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I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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