Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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