There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
