Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
