Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize