I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
