Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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