Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
