I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
