you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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