he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
