That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
