Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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