Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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