Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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