it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
