Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Randomize
