What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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