Kiss
Puke
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Swine flu. Run for my life!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
