You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
