her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
