How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
